I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
