woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
