how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
