she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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