High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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