party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
