found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm sobbing to NWA
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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