So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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