So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
