Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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