Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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