I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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