3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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