Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize