Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
