I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
