jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
