And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
