1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
