I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.