im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
