I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN