So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Damn victory sex feels great