i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.