In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.