i barfeds in our rink
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
