I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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