If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
