4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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