i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
