Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
