party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
