So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
