Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
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I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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