How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's Friday. Sex?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
