What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
