just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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