I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
