can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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