His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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