Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
