So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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