Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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