There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize