Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
