where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
