just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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