If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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