You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
