Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
