We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
