i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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