i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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