Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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