my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize