Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
