we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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