We won't sleep together?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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