Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
