It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
why is half of my head shaved?
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