Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
