i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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