He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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